Hurrah a kilo up 3 more to go :@)
I get the irony of a celebration blog post of putting on a kilo when it is named shrinking lily but yeah like you know whatever….
All that dairy this week paid off. Also just walking and no proper cardio (I walked 3.5km back and forth to work but no sweat clothes and runner cardio)
This week I am home and it is remember your vitamins goal time!
Thanks to an awesome reader I am back here ready to blog with a vengeance. I plan to answer some questions in the inbox and reflect on a few things over the next few days.
Weight and name calling
Weight seems to be a polarising topic and it is amazing to see how confident, forthright people are in telling me I am now too thin. Very rarely did anyone ever come up to me and say oh my gosh you are so obese but everyone feels free to give their commentary on how I am now too thin.
There is not a day goes by. The icing on the cake was being called anorexic by a work acquaintance this week. Now I know I have gotten pretty thin but I am vigilant in making sure my BMI stays in the healthy weight range. I also am actively trying to build strength and put on weight. I suppose I just find it heartbreaking that it doesn’t seem to matter what size you are someone will always feel the need to use it against you as an insult and a way to hurt.
Although this blog is no longer about shrinking but being healthy I feel the need to continue to post even if just as a place to share the constant battle for health. I have decided to give up on the battle for making others happy with my weight as it seems I am either too fat or too thin.
One day I will get this maintenance thing down pat. Having a goal to put on weight is just as annoying I have decided. Thinking about seeing a PT re a strength program I can do whilst traveling. This all has to do with balance and at the moment work/life/health/fitness seem to be very unbalanced with the see saw firmly down on the work side. Hard thing is I am loving it!
Stress and the difference it makes
So had a very stressful week where tears, work and travel were apparently catalysts to forgetting to eat well.
Came home and have lost a 1.5kgs, this is 1.5kgs I really need back on. I am now 52kgs and this is much lower than I want to be.
Reflection: stress and food seem to always be intertwined in my life. Before I was stressed I would eat. Now under stress I don’t eat. Both are emotional triggers I need to get a handle on.
All my life
Social media and amplification reflections
This week someone messaged me to say that someone I do not follow on twitter was making a whole load of comments about me. They mentioned me by name in a dm which I saw.
The comments were along the lines of:
- I take selfies all day so everyone can see how big my pores are
- I’m so short & old I wear boots from the 90’s
- Srsly. That woman is the most ugliest thing on earth & needs to be stoned to death.
- Oh, & a trip to the dentist wouldn’t be a bad idea if stoning is not an option.
Again I am reminded about how social media amplifies peoples thoughts and beliefs. This person is someone I still think is lovely and hold no ill will against. However it does make me think about how social media amplifies feelings.
During my weight loss journey it amplified to make me achieve. People gave me amazing support, tips and boosted me along the way. In love social media allowed me to meet my husband whom I adore.
On the flip side social media has made me constantly aware that not only do some people dislike me but they hate me. Now up until recently I used to apologise for this. Mainly because I cannot think of one person that I actually hate. I dislike a few people and wouldn’t have them as besties but I cannot think of one person I hate. It is too powerful emotion in my books to even consider having in my repertoire. I would never wish death on anyone and find it amazing that on social media people do it all the time. Now let me say first up I am no angel I have said some horrible things in my time and I do apologise when I have the opportunity however it is all about how we amplify ourselves and our feelings online.
Now after reading the above comments I felt very bad and looked at my pores, pondered the need to tone and then instead of apologising for me or changing me I felt sorry for this person.
I reflected here I was out on a Saturday night with people I adore and here is this person spending their night attacking me. The amazing thing once again to no surprise was that it was another woman in their thirties who I consider to be nice but obviously still not comfortable in themselves so have to project onto others.
This aftenoon I read a much more powerful and real post which brought about this blog post from Carly Findlay who experiences comments like these and worse on a much more regular basis. Please go and read her blog as she inspires me to be a better more confident and less judgemental woman everyday. Her blog is at http://carlyfindlay.blogspot.com.au/
So my take away from this episode is not remember it is only online and love the ones who love you.
Also instead of apologising for yourself we need to all apologise for others judgements as it is a reflection on them not you.
Time to get real
This week is about getting real with myself. I need to change my mindset. It is no longer about being thin or losing weight. It is about being healthy.
Recently I have been on the no sweet left behind train. I have been drinking my calories in flavored milk and generally avoiding vegetables. It has been fun but all good things come to an end and this is well overdue.
Tonight I have a huge pot of vegetable soup cooking and tomorrow if I want take out it will be pho not mc Donald’s.
Just because you are thin does not mean you are healthy and it is time for me to embrace vegetables.
I can feel myself getting ill and I wouldn’t blame my body for rebelling on me. So body this week I will repay you by:
Increasing water and ditching frappes. Yes mc Donald’s and your chocolate milk goodness be gone. Cold turkey quitting!
Increasing vegetables and fruit! If I feel like a juice I will blend it myself.
So this is my challenge! Wish me luck!
Update and check up.
Saw my surgeon today for a follow up visit. Had 0.3 ml taken out as was having heartburn problems and living on chocolate milk was getting kind of boring.
Have to go get all my blood work done to make sure iron, vitamin etc is good. Otherwise all is good. Re plastic surgery I have decided that my arms and thighs are not worth the scars that I would get as a result of the surgery. My stomach I may do but no rush on big decisions.
Being drawn on is not fun but it is food for thought.
Funny how 6 months can change in my world. If you read back I have written several blog posts on how I would not consider excess skin plastic surgery. However here I was today getting a consult to see what options are available for me. I suppose in my mind I have come so far that it seems to me silly not to invest in getting rid of the excess skin I carry on me.
So in I went and stripped down and had all my excess skin drawn on. Have to say my self esteem is slightly battered after this. Nothing like having a big circle drawn around your flabby thighs, tuckshop arms and stomach to make a girl feel blergh. The surgeon was lovely and spent a while chatting to me as I was a unique case, usually people who have had massive weight loss still have quite a large body frame and he hadn’t seen someone with as petite frame before.
This however meant good things re choices I have. In most cases the 3 areas I want fixed thighs, stomach and arms would be separate surgeries however he believes I could get them done in one surgery.
However I have made no decisions nor have I received any pricing regarding this so for tonight I will just giggle about my texta covered body and leave it to ponder for another day.
If you have any questions please ask?
I can tell you all that I am not rushing into any decision but felt it worth being informed about all possibilities.
Anonymous asked: Have you noticed a difference in your clothing size and the kilos you weigh? I realise every body is different with different fat distribution but if you are s8 and weigh 56kg, what is the max weight you can be and still stay within s8 without being "tight"? (Reason I ask is I have been trying to find a general standard amongst women around my height). Also how do you deal with sagging skin? (i have a long way to go and am seeing sagging :( ) Thanks :)
Hi,
Thanks for the question, sizing is a funny thing. So I will use the measure of least forgiveness which is my super skinny jeans. At 54-56kgs my jeans feel awesome and I do not have muffin top!
At 57-58 they are tight and I do not like how I look in them. The rest of the clothes tops etc are rather forgiving re weight range. I also am very small up top and do not tend to put on weight there so this could be a contributing factor.
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